Six Signs your Dating Relationship is Unhealthy

Who we date is extremely important. Few relationships have the same power to influence a person, shaping who they are and who they will become. There are always immediate and long-term consequences to who we date, so healthy dating relationships are vital.

Here are six signs your dating relationship might be unhealthy:

1. Other people say it is.

The saying “love is blind” is unfortunately true when it comes to people not being able to see that their own relationship is unhealthy. If people around you (friends, family, ministry leaders) are expressing concern… listen. And don’t think silence means everything is okay. If you’re not hearing anything, you need to ask. But, don’t just ask anyone. Ask people who have spiritual wisdom and a proven history of health in their own relationships.

2. You Disappeared.

People in unhealthy dating relationships often drop off the face of the planet. Their friends and family see so little of them, they consider making a missing persons report. If you find that you’re no longer associating with the same people you used to before the relationship, that should be of concern. Healthy couples have high levels of interaction with family and friends.

3. You’re Stuck (to each other.)

One of the best compliments I received while dating my wife is that we didn’t always have to be together. It’s not that we ignored each other, we just didn’t have to be attached at the hip. We had balance. We both had other friends (male and female) and spent time with them. If you have trouble spending time with people other than your boyfriend/girlfriend, your relationship has health issues.

4. Drama.

While every relationship (even healthy ones) will have occasional disagreements, some couples have an endless supply. It seems like they’re stuck in a perpetual cycle of strife. An argument or a fight is always simmering. Healthy relationships should have significant periods of peace and calm between occasional quarrels, not the other way around.

5. You’re Pretending.

The purpose of marriage is to bring two people into a permanent commitment to one another. Pretenders want the benefits or marriage without the commitment and that’s never healthy. It’s a shaky foundation for any relationship, even if it does eventually result in marriage. If the only thing that would change if you got married is a license, a ring and maybe a joint bank account, you have health issues. (Hebrews 13:4)

6. Spiritual Incompatibility.

I was surprised to hear a young Christian woman recently describe her boyfriend as being “a nice guy, just not a Christian.” In terms of a dating relationship, that’s like saying “I’m a vegetarian, but I love a good steak.” There is a serious incompatibility issue when a follower of Jesus enters into a close-intimate relationship with someone who is not a follower of Jesus. They just don’t go together. (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).

If any of these describe your own relationship, take whatever steps are necessary to correct them. Unhealthy dating issues never go away when people get more serious in the relationship, the “unhealth” just gets more serious.

How have you seen these affect relationships? What other things have you seen that might be a sign that someone’s dating relationship is unhealthy?

  • Sandi Crane

    that is some of the best advice I have ever read! If people followed this there would be a HUGE drop in divorces!

  • Wuratementerprise

    pls give solution to each problem.thanks

    • dpchristian

      1. Other people say it is.
      I already gave the answer to this one- ask wise/respected people what they think  of your relationship and listen to them. Seriously consider doing what they recommend.
      2. You Disappeared.
      Make sure you’re spending time “in public.” Be with people. Hang out with family and friends.
      3. You’re Stuck (to each other.)
      Spend considerable time with people other than your boyfriend/girlfriend and make sure they do the same.
      4. Drama.
      Determine the specific source of the drama. You may just have communication issues, or there may be more significant underlying issues that need to be resolved. This is hard to do alone. I would ask for help from a trusted spiritual leader/counselor.
      5. You’re Pretending.
      Either stop living like you’re married or get married.
      6. Spiritual Incompatibility.
      If you’re in the relationship already, end it. If you’re not in a relationship, don’t start one.